Sunday, September 9, 2012
Let's go, Steelers.
I freaking love those kids.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
This time it's a pair of glass, beaded earrings in a really lovely plum color. This is one of my favorite pairs, actually, so I made two. One for me and one for the giveaway. They really catch the light, don't they?
So, if you think they're as totally bitchin' as I do, enter to win!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
ETA: Congratulations to Laura! Thank you for entering. I hope you enjoy your new earrings. :)
Monday, June 25, 2012
|Ignore the peeling vinyl, I'm going to re-cover them.|
Friday, June 22, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Awesome, right? I mean, is there anyone who doesn't like free sparkly stuff? I am a freebie whore, people. If it's free, I want it! I become positively giddy when I see a package waiting for me on the porch and will knock down any small person in my path to get to it.
But enough about my deplorable behavior, there's stuff to be won.
(It's come to my attention that the Rafflecopter is not letting many of you comment for whatever reason. That's okay. It still registers your entry for the giveaway. Comment when you can. I won't be upset, I promise. Besides, you can always make it up to me by subscribing via email. It's over there on the left. Go there now. Shoo. Skedaddle.)
a Rafflecopter giveaway
The Rafflecopter has spoken! Jennifer Serafini Myers is our winner!
Please keep reading RandomNinja. I'm definitely going to be doing this again. So much fun!!
Thanks all for the terrific response!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Well, we are. It's true. And it's already the 19th. I bet you've got some catching up to do.
Don't believe it? Read this article and report back to me. Go on, I'll wait. I'll even link it again to show you the part I want you lazy wankers to notice.
Are you back? You didn't read it, did you? But you should! It's interesting stuff! I mean, who knew that masturbation was GOOD for you? Both men and women reap health benefits from diddling their bits and baubles. It improves your circulation and releases tension and, hey, you can't get pregnant from it. Awesome, right?
This month-long celebration has generated some strange contests among the more enthusiastic supporters. Check out these "current" (2009-10) records:
- The winner of "Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Male" (and also the World Record Holder in this category) is Mr. Masanobu Sato, who in 2008 masturbated for 9 hours and 33 minutes. In 2009 he extended his record to 9 hours and 58 minutes. Please note that time records indicate duration (length of time for which a participant masturbated). Damn.
- The winner of "Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Female" was set in 2008 by Ms. Kitty Kat, who masturbated for 7 hours and 6 minutes.
- The winner of "Most Orgasms/Male" was set by Big Rob in 2010—at 83 climaxes, a world record.
- The winner of "Most Orgasms/Female" is Loooo-C, who orgasmed 83 times in 2010.
Now some of these names don't look real to me, so I can't attest to the validity of the records. However, if anyone wants to take their best shot at beating these people at their own game, feel free to take matters into your own hands. Judging by those records, you might want to notify your employers before you begin.
Yes, YES, YES. May is National Masturbation Month.
What are you going to do about it?
Friday, May 18, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
This morning I made the mistake of buying mocha frappes for Madison and me. I exclaimed upon the first sip "Omigod, these are better than sex" and immediately apologized to her, saying, "Jeez, Madison, I say the most inappropriate things to you, don't I? I'm so sorry, babe."
She replied with, "I don't mind. You can say them in front of my friends, too, you know. They think you're The Cool Mom." Well of course they do! They're teenagers! They think the word "dingleberry" is funny. *giggle* Dingleberry.
Why do I say these things to my child? If she grows up with an unhealthy attachment to coffee products, having been inadvertently corrupted by my frappe comment, I'll have Mommy Guilt. Because I have no filter.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
|Oh, holy hell!|
"I can't do my homework."
The WTF Backpack. So realistic, it'll scare the absolute piss out of you.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
|Found ya, sweetcheeks.|
Monday, April 9, 2012
Not many people choose cannibalism as a kitchen theme.
It wasn't always this way. When we first moved into this house, "apples" was my theme. That's it. Just "apples". Plain, boring, non-threatening...apples. But they were everywhere! I had apples at the end of the ceiling fan pull chains, I had apple clocks and salt shakers and numerous cookie jars (on an apple-lined shelf). I even painted them on the cabinets. (Side note: Metal Cabinets are an abomination and should not exist ever, as they are horrifically evil, but that's a post for another day.)
The kitchen was so ridiculously covered that I eventually developed an aversion to the fruit. I was sick to death of those frigging apples, but I kept that theme for YEARS.
|The apple theme was going full-throttle |
before any of these people inhabited my uterus.
Eventually, I redid the kitchen and something inside me said, "For the love of all that is holy, get rid of the godforsaken apples! Every kitchen doesn't need a theme!"
However, in my desire to go theme-less, I inadvertently chose one anyway: cannibalism.
|My utensil crock of fabulousness.|
|My soylent sign.|
Yeah, I guess "Soylent Green" accurately describes my theme.
But, wait! I have this great spoon-rest, too:
|"Would you like more mutton, Clarice?"|
What did YOU choose?
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Alternate title: NO means "NO" - A Lesson In Self-Control
Yes. In my fevered frenzy of seasoning, the smallest particles of (really) crushed red pepper caught the wind of the ceiling fan and...I peppered myself.
"NO" means "NO". I get that now.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Hand-Painted Stoneware Brightens Your Table! A Brylane Home Kitchen® exclusive! Sunny striped 16-Pc. Dinnerware Set features salad and dessert plates centered by tangy colors-green, blue, red or yellow - so each place setting is unique! Includes 4 each: 10¼'' dinner plate, 7¼...
BUY THESE DISHES!
Pros: Easy To Clean, Awesome, Unique, Durable, Attractive Design, Nice Weight
Cons: Unfit for zombie warfare
Best Uses: Informal Meals, Decorative
Describe Yourself: Stylish
I bought two sets of these dishes last year and I'm still in love with them. They have not chipped, scratched or broken at all. The colors are fantastic. If I somehow managed to smash half the set, I would buy another in a heartbeat. They're just that cool.
Additionally, in the boxes of the two sets I bought, one mug was missing a handle. It had been broken during shipment, I believe, or perhaps during packaging. I contacted Brylane Home about this and they sent me a replacement mug that very week. (The broken mug made an excellent pencil cup, so I kept it.) I commend the customer service on their resolution of this problem. What an awesome company!
Friday, April 6, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Some Other Stuff I Wrote
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Ever since I wrote this entry inquiring as to the whereabouts of my very most favoritest writer/cartoonist, I've gotten a lot (Alot) o...
For those of you who are teaching your kids the generic "girls have a vagina" lesson, you ARE teaching them that the proper term...
I like picnics. Sure, I mean, who doesn't? I can hear you now, my Ninja Babies: "I love picnics!" "Ooh, picnics? I...
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Our winter holidays started out as normally as they could have, considering who we are. We had our annual dinner and gift exchange at the ...
Kitchens. They are the most common room (apart from nurseries) to have some sort of theme. Some have rooster themes, some have Italian or...
"...Hallelujah! Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?!" Clark W. Grizwold I wan...
And so it begins. Two weeks ago I told you we were getting fish . This week three teeny, tiny, little non-fish called Zebra Danios were ad...
When did mannequin parts become a popular choice in lawn decor? Penis De Milo? I wanted to ask that very question of the people who ow...