That last giveaway was too much fun and so easy to do that I decided to host another before I open my Storenvy shop.
This time it's a pair of glass, beaded earrings in a really lovely plum color. This is one of my favorite pairs, actually, so I made two. One for me and one for the giveaway. They really catch the light, don't they?
So, if you think they're as totally bitchin' as I do, enter to win!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
ETA: Congratulations to Laura! Thank you for entering. I hope you enjoy your new earrings. :)
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
My children recently had their semi-annual plaque scraping and professional tooth polishing appointment. Even scheduled early in the day, we spend most of our morning there. Three kids, three cleanings, one oral hygienist...Yeah. It takes a long-ass time.
We came prepared, having brought a backpack filled with crayons, coloring books and reading materials, but it was the Mancala board that got the most use:
|Mancala Tournament: Hour Two|
By the time the last child was released with healthy teeth and gums, we were nearly starving. I promised to feed the heathen spawn, so we headed to McDonald's. (Where else can I poison my family for under twenty dollars?) On the way there, the girls decided that British accents were just what our boring old car ride needed. The next twenty minutes on the interstate were very entertaining. Did you know that anything and everything is not just funny in a horribly exaggerated accent, but freaking hilarious?
The fun didn't stop when we reached the drive-thru at McDonald's.
While I wasn't savvy enough to order the food in my semi-convincing accent, I did greet the cashier who took my money with an enthusiastic "Ello Guvn'a!" making Madison nearly shoot a snot rocket at the windshield trying to stifle her laughter, while the two in the back brayed like donkeys.
Having still not had enough fun, we kept it up all the way home, the hilarity of the situation causing the two smallest campers to increase their volume with each word they spoke. Finally, I had to ask them to bring it down a notch, saying, "You know what, guys? I don't think they yell everything in Great Britain. I can't recall the last time I heard someone announce: "IT'S TIME FOR TEA!"
Just then, the high pitched, and overly affected voice of Samantha piped up from
the back of the van and yelled, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCHES!!!"
I'm still trying to decide whether that's a parenting fail or a parenting win.
Which do you suppose it is?
(If you are guilty of grinning at this, please share it with your friends. If you thought it was a ridiculous waste of your time, share it with your enemies.)
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Ever since I wrote this entry inquiring as to the whereabouts of my very most favoritest writer/cartoonist, I've gotten a lot (Alot) of traffic on that post. People are searching it multiple times a day and landing on that page. They're not looking for me, Allie. They're looking for you and FINDING me.
It may seem cheap, but you know what? I'll take it!
I just wanted to let you know, that I'm planning to borrow those readers for a while. Only until you come back. You can have them back...provided that you can identify them.
Sure, I don't draw clever little cartoons and I don't have a dog that makes a whine like a jet engine, but I'll try my best to keep those folks entertained in your absence. Maybe I'll post pictures of things that "almost" look like vulvae and call it "Suddenly Bajingo". Maybe I'll just talk about how much the Intarwebs misses you.
Maybe I'll use hypnosis and duct tape.
Anyway, I'll take good care of them, Allie. I swear.
So, hello! If you were led to this blog through a search for Allie Brosh, please stick around for a while and we can chat about how fabulous Ms. Brosh is and how very much we miss her unique brand of humor.
But first, look into this golden amulet...you're getting very sleepy...
No, no, keep looking at it...wait. Where are you going?
Friday, June 22, 2012
I forgot to tell you guys what happened with Lily and me last week. She and I were out picking up stuff for her birthday party that day ...so this was...Friday...and as we were leaving, we passed a young couple, maybe in their early twenties, holding a sign that said: "Out of gas. Need to get back to Texas. Anything helps."
Still driving, we chatted just a little bit about how far away from home they were but the discussion ended there. Listening to the radio, Lily's mind was still working on the couple.
Soon she said, "Mom? ...Could we give them something?"
I said, "Would you like to?"
"See what I've got in my wallet."
She said, "You've got five bucks."
"Do you want to give it to 'em?"
"Well, can we?"
"Sure! Let's go around the block."
And so we did.
She leaned out the window and handed the young man a five dollar bill. His face lit up and he thanked Lily, thanked me and his female counterpart chimed in with a happy "God bless you." I could tell their appreciation was genuine.
Now, I don't know what they were driving through Iowa for, but I saw their car nearby in the lot (they had actually been standing near it when we pulled in) and it did have Texas plates on it, so there was no second thought of Gee, I hope we're not helping them support their crazy glue addiction. But you know what? Despite that little nagging voice of skepticism, it still feels better to give SOMETHING, doesn't it?
They were grateful, she felt wonderful and I was extremely proud of my kid.
What about you? Would you encourage your child to give to a panhandler?
Monday, June 18, 2012
Do you know what I do when I'm not wordsmithing, killing plants, taking a thousand silly pictures of my dinner, being accosted by mall personnel or peeking into my neighbor's windows?
I make jewelry.
I bet you didn't know I was so talented, did you?
Because this giveaway thing is supposed to be really super easy to do, I'm jumping in with both feet and donating two of my newest creations. Some lucky person will be the winner of a bracelet and earring set from Random Ninja Designs.
Awesome, right? I mean, is there anyone who doesn't like free sparkly stuff? I am a freebie whore, people. If it's free, I want it! I become positively giddy when I see a package waiting for me on the porch and will knock down any small person in my path to get to it.
But enough about my deplorable behavior, there's stuff to be won.
Go enter mah giveaway, peoples!
Ooh, look! A Rafflecopter thing! That sure makes things easier, doesn't it? Good luck!
(It's come to my attention that the Rafflecopter is not letting many of you comment for whatever reason. That's okay. It still registers your entry for the giveaway. Comment when you can. I won't be upset, I promise. Besides, you can always make it up to me by subscribing via email. It's over there on the left. Go there now. Shoo. Skedaddle.)
a Rafflecopter giveaway
The Rafflecopter has spoken! Jennifer Serafini Myers is our winner!
Please keep reading RandomNinja. I'm definitely going to be doing this again. So much fun!!
Thanks all for the terrific response!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Is there a chapter in How to Win Friends and Influence People for folks who live without a social filter? Because I'm fairly certain I don't have one.
I mean, when you leave a comment on your husband's Facebook page that says "I watered the grass this morning. ;) " no one could possibly look at that as innocently stating that you watered the new sod when there's an emoticon winking at the reader. That simple semi-colon, close parenthesis smiley face, made it dirty. I knew it and I typed it anyway. Because I have no filter.
This morning I made the mistake of buying mocha frappes for Madison and me. I exclaimed upon the first sip "Omigod, these are better than sex" and immediately apologized to her, saying, "Jeez, Madison, I say the most inappropriate things to you, don't I? I'm so sorry, babe."
She replied with, "I don't mind. You can say them in front of my friends, too, you know. They think you're The Cool Mom." Well of course they do! They're teenagers! They think the word "dingleberry" is funny. *giggle* Dingleberry.
Why do I say these things to my child? If she grows up with an unhealthy attachment to coffee products, having been inadvertently corrupted by my frappe comment, I'll have Mommy Guilt. Because I have no filter.
I'll give you another example of my filter-less existence. Yesterday we took Madison to the orthodontist for her initial visit. I sat filling out the forms while John read Sports Illustrated For Kids and Madison played on her iPod. Halfway through my scribbling, this happened:
"Psst. Hey, hon. The question here asks "What is the reason for your visit". I should put "Those teeth be crooked, yo."
John laughed and said, "Jacked up teeth."
"Yes! Ha ha!" said I...and wrote it down. "Jacked. Up. Teeth."
Super proud of having the nerve to put his thought to paper, I felt it was only right that I should share it with him. He looked at it and said incredulously, "You PUT that?!" Then he shook his head.
Well, duh! Yeah, I put that! It's funny.
They probably get tired of seeing the same thing every day. I wanted to make a memorable first impression. I imagined that the doctor would look at it and think Well, I don't think I've ever seen that exact answer before. And he would be correct.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
It's Mother's Day. Sugar Daddy had already left for work, but when I came downstairs, I found this note waiting for me on the computer.
I know this means that he probably forgot to buy me a card, but you know what? I don't need Hallmark to tell me how special I am to him when he's got the means to link words together all pretty like that.
I do love that man. So as Elliot said regarding E.T., "I'm keeping him."
This was my note:
For my Wife on Mother’s Day:
No fancy card is going to convey how proud I am that you are the Mother
of our children. You help raise them with their best interests in
mind. You do so much for them that I could never do, or do as well,
like hair, “girl-talk” make-up, etc.. Since I work a lot, it’s so nice,
and comforting, to know that there is stability here at home provided
We are all thankful for what you do as Queen of this castle. WEAR YOUR CROWN PROUDLY TODAY!!
To answer the question his closing words put in your mind, yes, I call him Gidget. He's also often referred to as Princess Stephanie. And sometimes Sharon.
It amuses me.
Did you get anything meaningful this Mother's Day?
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