Hi, peoples. I've got stuff to do today, so please enjoy this piece I wrote a few years ago while I try to find the top of my dining room table again.
ToeJam Sam and the Maxi-Pad Aisle:
didn't know I wanted three children, but four and some-odd years ago,
the urge to have just One More Baby gnawed at me until I finally
shrugged, rolled over and ordered hubby to "just do it".
Bingo-Bango-Bongo, I got pregnant (yep, pretty much just like that). I
peed on a stick to be certain of it...on Mother's Day, no less.
Many moons passed. Many many
moons passed. So many moons passed that I was beginning to think that
I was living on the wrong planet. This child was setting up shop in
there for the long haul.
suspected that bambino knew it was wintertime and had hoped
to hibernate until the weather warmed up a little. I had visions of
being pregnant forever with that kiddo all warm and toasty in the Womb
one day in January my doctor gave me a pitocin cocktail with an
epidural chaser and a few hours later a very teeny person practically
shot out of my vagina (that's "bajingo" for a few of you). We named her
Sam. Our family was complete with three adorable little girls and the
sky was full of lollipops and rainbows. It was a Lisa Frank world.
Let's skip a few pages of our story and bring us to the here and now. We'll title this segment "Never a Dull Moment".
that says it nicely. Sam is anything but dull. She's the child who
wants to name animals after breakfast cereals and body parts.
("Cornflakes" was one and I won't say the other one, but it rhymes with
is the same child that cannot watch a toy commercial without stating
"I wanna buy that for my birthday" even when she's alone in the room.
This is the child that loves animals so much, she pees on their heads. (I can just hear her some day, "Jeez Mom. I did that ONE TIME!!")
entertainment Sam provides us with is absolutely invaluable. A trip
to the grocery store is never boring. Just this week, Sam was with me
at Wal*Mart. The surrounding area bustled with my fellow shoppers in
search of their favorite shampoos, soaps and various scented shaving
creams, when Sam's eagle eye spotted the familiar Always box. Pointing,
and using her I'm Outside And Just Too Doggone Excited About It voice,
"MOMMY! YOU BUY THOSE! YOU PUT THEM IN YOUR UNDERPANTS WHEN YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM!!"
are the moments that take my breath away. Sometimes they take the
breath away from other ladies shopping within earshot, whose shoulders
hitch up and down as they try not to laugh loudly at what my daughter
just said. Bless their hearts.
Pardon me. She just ran past the doorway...naked...with a can of Spaghettio's.
Yeah, dull I don't get much.
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