Friday, August 3, 2012

I'll give you two bags of Oreos for your Dyson.

I am the proud owner of a Bernese Mountain Dog named Brinkley.  He is one hairy motherfucker.  Seriously.

This is Brinkley:
"I am one hairy motherfucker."

You can probably tell he sheds.  A lot.  And because I am SUCH a domestic goddess, my house is typically covered in giant hairy balls...of fur. 

I had company coming in the beginning of July and, as usual, an obscene amount of vacuuming to do, but the Saturday before my friend Lori and her kids arrived, my piece of crap Hoover decided it wasn't up to the task and punked out on me.

"YOU suck. I quit."

I didn't have the time or money to buy a new vacuum, but my mother owns a Dyson and lives only fifteen minutes away, so I borrowed hers.  It sucks the way vacuums are supposed to suck!  Yay for clean(er) floors! 
Heh heh.  Right.

Once I had tried my mother's Dyson, I wanted to get one of my own.  So, on Sunday...remember my company was due to arrive Monday...I found an ad on Craigslist for this:
I'll suck the shit out of your floors.  Literally.

So I sent the person an email.

It went like this:

I'm interested in the Dyson vacuum you've listed on Craigslist. 
I'm in Davenport, but I'd love to take it off your hands for you very soon.  Is there anything else I need to know about it?  The listing says it's in great shape.
Looking forward to hearing from you.

Hi Erika
This vacuum runs great, is clean and ready to go. It has no issues, my husband completely went through this vacuum when he cleaned it. We are located just outside of Dubuque by Peosta, if you like I could meet you in Dubuque. When will you be in this area?

It takes me about an hour to get there, and I have company coming Monday that will be headed out on Thursday, so is Friday too late?  I'd hate to say "Oh, TOMORROW works" and totally put you out.  :-/ 

I wonder if I could get you to come down to $100 on it...if I throw in a bag of Oreos?

I suck at Craigslist.  I don't know what the heck I'm doing. 


Then fifteen minutes later I followed up with this:

And of course, NOW I see that you also have the DC17 listed as well.  *drool* 

This Hoover Pet Cyclonic that I've got is a hunk of junk.  I wish I could afford even the $200 for the DC17!   WANT!!

I could offer you $175 and TWO bags of Oreos for the DC17...   

Hi Erika
Thank you for your interest in the DC17. I could do $175 for you on the DC17 (and the Oreos, my husband LOVES Oreos, lol). Could you make it to Dubuque before Friday by chance?

My husband has volunteered to make the trip while I entertain my friend!  lol.
He can make it tomorrow (Tuesday) at about 1:00 if you'd be able to meet him someplace along 61, as he comes into town that way.  

Does that work for you at all?  (I'll send him with the cash and the cookies to complete the transaction!)

Let me know.  :)

 Hi Erika

Yes, that will work fine. Have him meet me at the HyVee on 61, it's by downtown Dubuque right before you get to the bridge. I will be driving an older blue Dodge van and my cell number is below if you wanted to give that to him in case he needs it that is fine. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you so much.

Sounds great!  So we've got HyVee on 61 at 1:00 with $175 (and cooooookieeees).
John should be driving my brown Windstar, and he'll have your number in his phone.  

Maybe I don't suck so bad at this Craigslist thing.  I hope I hope I hope this vacuum makes all my dreams come true!  (Or at least picks up the mass of fur that lines my floors, anyway.)

Till Tuesday!  (Oh, ha! ..Such a dork.)


Hi Erika
Yes tomorrow at 1pm at the HyVee. Craigslist is really easy most of the time. I have had really good luck with listing and buying stuff off craigslist. I have never had someone barter cookies with cash though, I'm happy with that Cookies + Cash = Happy Husband!! Thank you again. You will love this Dyson!


Hi Erika
My husband wanted me to confirm they will be the Double Stuff

 Is there any other kind?!   Of course, they are! :)

Ok, lol

A day later I wrote back to her with this:

This thing is fantastic!    If you click on the link in my signature, one day soon there will be a blog post about this exchange.  It was just too silly not to share.  :)

Thanks again!

Hi Erika
Thank you for your business!!! One package of Oreos are already gone!! Your hubby and I got to HyVee about the same time, he was a really nice man. I explained a little bit about the vac to him but he said you had borrowed one and knew all about them. Please let your friends know about our vacuums, we handle most all models, mainly higher end vacs and they are all nice and clean in good working order like the one you received. Have a fantastic week and try to stay cool!! 

And that's how I got a vacuum that actually sucks.

DC17 - Vacuum of Magnificence
My filter-less existence works in my favor once again!   :)

If you liked it, share it with your friends.  If you hated it, share it with your enemies.



  1. LMAO!!! I LOVE the way your brain works!

  2. You KNOW the Oreos are what sealed the deal, right? RIGHT.

    As THE Domestic Goddess, I can tell you that after six other vacs (and tons of doggies) the Dyson rocks the most. We have THE BALL, otherwise known as the DC25 and it is amazaballs. And our Bernie visitor would agree. :)

  3. This was a joy to read. Well written and extremely funny. And he might shed a lot, but you dog is amazingly beautiful.


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All others, thank you so much for your comments! ♥ Riki

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