Thursday, June 28, 2012

How We Roll - Re:Shopping Carts and Kids

I posted this picture on Random Ninja's facebook page yesterday and it reminded me that I promised to share with you another of my secrets to surviving the grocery store with kids in tow.

Re:  Shopping Carts 
If you are under the age of 6, you must have your hand on the cart at all times.  If your hand leaves the side of the cart, you get put IN the cart.  This means that if one of your sisters is already in the seat, you will be put in the basket of the cart where the groceries will soon pile up around and on you.  You will pray I have marshmallows, cereal, and bread-related items on my list as numerous canned goods slowly press the life out of you.

Important note:  If you choose to ride in the cart and you wish to sit in the basket, which is only an option if the seat is occupied by another person or if you are too big to sit in the seat, your gluteus maximus MUST have waffle marks on it when we leave.  This means you actually have to SIT in the back of the cart.  Standing is never an option and will result in painful beatings about the face and neck.  I'm kidding.  It will, however, result in the cart coming to a full stop and waiting until you cop a squat on the metal mesh once more, with the promise that if you do not comply, you will have no media access for the next two days.  That's pretty much the same as forbidding them air, without the legal ramifications.

Seriously though, standing is NOT an option.  We learned this the hard way when a year-and-a-half old Lily went head over teakettle in the children's clothing department at Target one day and landed smack on her head, scaring the life out of me and causing great pain to her poor little melon.  I'm happy to report that she was unharmed and today is a thriving 11 year old soopergenius, but I still can't pass a child standing in the basket without cringing and saying a little prayer.

I know some people will protest "Oh, but I watch them very carefully". To this, I will channel Dwight Schrute and say:

"Fact: It is impossible to reach a child tipping out of the front of the cart when you are at the back of it unless your arms are disproportionate to your body."  

So if you're part sloth, go crazy.

As for me and mine, this is how we roll:
Please note: the children in this photo are not all mine, but I left with the same number I arrived with, so it's all good.

To review:  The rule is that if you're under the age of 6 you either have one hand on the cart at all times or you get into it.  
Sam's 7 now, so the rules really no longer apply to her, but as soon as we get out of the car, that hand instinctively attaches itself to the cart. My mother loves this. So do I.

How do you roll?  


  1. We tend not to take our kids shopping for the reason that they drive us crazy!! haha... its actually because we work 3rd shift at our local wal*mart super center and its easier to shop right after work... there are no lines...

    do I see Marshmallow Mateys cereal!?!? SOOOO much better than lucky charms!

    1. You do see Marshmallow Mateys. lol. Only the best sugar-laden crap food for MY kids, man. ;)

  2. We only had one child so this wasn't much of a problem, but I think you advice is sound and the hands-on-the-cart-at-all-times rule should be mandatory. This was also funny and well-written.

    1. Thank you, Stephen. It was the sloth-arms comment, wasn't it? ;)

  3. Oddly enough, I ALSO have a healthy 11 year old who took a header from a shopping cart at age 18 months. At Target. In the children's clothing department. And to think I thought I was the only one. :)

    1. LOL! Are we talking about synchronized diving here?


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All others, thank you so much for your comments! ♥ Riki

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