Well, we are. It's true. And it's already the 19th. I bet you've got some catching up to do.
Don't believe it? Read this article and report back to me. Go on, I'll wait. I'll even link it again to show you the part I want you lazy wankers to notice.
The celebration of May as National Masturbation Month began in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of then U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders.
Are you back? You didn't read it, did you? But you should! It's interesting stuff! I mean, who knew that masturbation was GOOD for you? Both men and women reap health benefits from diddling their bits and baubles. It improves your circulation and releases tension and, hey, you can't get pregnant from it. Awesome, right?
This month-long celebration has generated some strange contests among the more enthusiastic supporters. Check out these "current" (2009-10) records:
- The winner of "Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Male" (and also the World Record Holder in this category) is Mr. Masanobu Sato, who in 2008 masturbated for 9 hours and 33 minutes. In 2009 he extended his record to 9 hours and 58 minutes. Please note that time records indicate duration (length of time for which a participant masturbated). Damn.
- The winner of "Longest Time Spent Masturbating/Female" was set in 2008 by Ms. Kitty Kat, who masturbated for 7 hours and 6 minutes.
- The winner of "Most Orgasms/Male" was set by Big Rob in 2010—at 83 climaxes, a world record.
- The winner of "Most Orgasms/Female" is Loooo-C, who orgasmed 83 times in 2010.
Now some of these names don't look real to me, so I can't attest to the validity of the records. However, if anyone wants to take their best shot at beating these people at their own game, feel free to take matters into your own hands. Judging by those records, you might want to notify your employers before you begin.
Yes, YES, YES. May is National Masturbation Month.
What are you going to do about it?