Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Did I just type that out loud?

Is there a chapter in How to Win Friends and Influence People for folks who live without a social filter?  Because I'm fairly certain I don't have one.

I mean, when you leave a comment on your husband's Facebook page that says "I watered the grass this morning. ;) "  no one could possibly look at that as innocently stating that you watered the new sod when there's an emoticon winking at the reader.  That simple semi-colon, close parenthesis smiley face, made it dirty.  I knew it and I typed it anyway.  Because I have no filter. 
  
This morning I made the mistake of buying mocha frappes for Madison and me.  I exclaimed upon the first sip "Omigod, these are better than sex" and immediately apologized to her, saying, "Jeez, Madison, I say the most inappropriate things to you, don't I? I'm so sorry, babe."
She replied with, "I don't mind. You can say them in front of my friends, too, you know. They think you're The Cool Mom."  Well of course they do!  They're teenagers!  They think the word "dingleberry" is funny.    *giggle*  Dingleberry.
Why do I say these things to my child?  If she grows up with an unhealthy attachment to coffee products, having been inadvertently corrupted by my frappe comment, I'll have Mommy Guilt.  Because I have no filter.
I'll give you another example of my filter-less existence.  Yesterday we took Madison to the orthodontist for her initial visit.  I sat filling out the forms while John read Sports Illustrated For Kids and Madison played on her iPod.  Halfway through my scribbling, this happened:

"Psst.  Hey, hon.  The question here asks "What is the reason for your visit".  I should put "Those teeth be crooked, yo."

John laughed and said, "Jacked up teeth."  

"Yes! Ha ha!" said I...and wrote it down.  "Jacked.  Up.  Teeth." 
Super proud of having the nerve to put his thought to paper, I felt it was only right that I should share it with him.  He looked at it and said incredulously, "You PUT that?!"  Then he shook his head.
 
Well, duh! Yeah, I put that!  It's funny.

They probably get tired of seeing the same thing every day. I wanted to make a memorable first impression.  I imagined that the doctor would look at it and think Well, I don't think I've ever seen that exact answer before.  And he would be correct. 

I think they're going to like us.


Because I have no filter.  






Do you have one?

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16 comments:

  1. I think I have one, but it seems to be faulty- it only works part-time : )

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  2. No filter + having the guts to say/write it = total hilarious WIN!

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  3. I do have a filter, but it's been months since I've changed it, and I think it's all covered with fuzzy gunk. Still...

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  4. :D I put on my sons paper for his dentist where it said 'does your child have any names they prefer to be called other than their birth name? [IE nicknames]' and I put his name as Chocolate Thunder... He weighs 52 lbs, hes almost 8 in 2nd grade, Caucasian, wears glasses... you get the idea... The nurse comes out and calls him back as 'Chocolate Thunder' everyone looked around the room confused... and I said OOOOH Thunder, they are calling you!! he was so embarrassed... his nickname at home is peanut... lmfao... :D

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    Replies
    1. OMG, I spewed water at the screen. Which of my offspring could be Chocolate Thunder? I have all girls.

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    2. :-) Yeah... I have 2 sons... The smallest one should be chocolate thunder... :D or her name with iscious at the end... like... saralicious for example :P It was one of the best names I could think of for him though... it totally didn't fit him at all, his life revolves around cartoon network and the WWE... haha

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    3. I once took the girls on vacation halfway across the country and got so tired of hearing "Mom?" from the backseat that I told them I was changing my name to Tapioca Puddin'.

      They still call me that when I don't answer right away...

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    4. My mom used to tell me mom wasnt her name, She used to say a rhyme... it went SOMETHING like this [after me saying mom and her saying that's not my name, So than I would say well what IS your name than?] 'Puddin Tane, THATS my name, ask me again I will till you the same!' :-) hehe...

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    5. *snort* That's too awesome.

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  5. I do that creative form filling out too! I like to think it's the beginning of the love affair all doctors have for me and my kids. It's true.

    Filterless existence, when you're funneh, is faaaabulous!!

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    Replies
    1. I would pay money to see the stuff YOU write on it. lol!

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  6. I am laughing, crying and wheezing at the same time. Took me 5 minutes to be able to type this out!

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  7. I am laughing, crying and wheezing at the same time. Took me 5 minutes to be able to type this out!

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  8. I am laughing, crying and wheezing at the same time. Took me 5 minutes to be able to type this out!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am laughing, crying and wheezing at the same time. Took me 5 minutes to be able to type this out!

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Spammers, get bent.



All others, thank you so much for your comments! ♥ Riki









Some Other Stuff I Wrote