I like picnics. Sure, I mean, who doesn't?
I can hear you now, my Ninja Babies: "I love picnics!" "Ooh, picnics? I love them so much I want to marry them!" "Picnics, YAY!"
There is a fashionable way for every picnic enthusiast to be ready at a moment's notice, should the opportunity and/or chocolate cake present itself.
These are called Picnic Pants and you must have them.
Fabulous, aren't they? And they don't limit themselves to only picnic use. Think about it. How many times have you been at a party and had no chair or table on which to place your plate of nommable deliciousness and wished you could have a table appear out of nowhere? (I know, John. Seven. It was rhetorical. Put your hand down.) How many times have you wanted to launch grapefruit into the street? (Again, John, rhetorical.)
Anyone who doesn't think these are the best pants ever obviously failed to notice that nifty CUP HOLDER on the side! I mean, come on, people. That's freaking cool.
I know what you're thinking: MC Hammer already made these pants popular in 1990.
I'll admit I thought the same thing when I first saw them, but no, MC Hammer did NOT invent Picnic Pants. These people did. And boy, am I glad! Imagine the possibilities!
I may have to create my own line of picnic wear, come to think of it. Maybe I can market a pair of cargo pants with extra large rear pockets for carrying your picnic supplies. I'll call them Junk In Your Trunk.
So get these pants, people. The next time you're left standing at a party and someone offers you a piece of chicken, your lips may want to say no, but your hips will say:
Stop! Picnic time!