Spring finds me with a fire under my ass and the need to plant things. The problem is, my thumbs are very very brown.
I don't know what it is about the spring that makes me suddenly don my World's Best Gardener hat in place of my trusty Serial Plant Killer one, but it does and I start out with so much passion, you'd think I'd never killed a plant in my life.
Sadly, it doesn't last.
By mid-summer, you'll find me poolside with a drink in my hand and a radio turned up, surrounded by the Neglected, the Weed-Ridden and the Slowly Decaying, as I musically relive 1985 in a lawn chair, oblivious to their pain.
I discover sometime in June that I'm not much of an outdoor person. Summer is frigging HOT! Unless I'm going swimming, I don't want to be out there, and I think my plants know it.
They're probably sitting in their little seed packages, right now placing their bets on which of them will actually bear fruit this year. I wouldn't put my money on any of them making it.
I'm sorry, future members of my soiled garden, I have spring fever and I can't help myself. You will all die slow, painful deaths, drowned in an overexcited watering frenzy, choked by weeds and then ignored and left to rot.
It's not you, it's me.
Kicking Motherhood's Ass Since 1999.
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I am right there with you, deary.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a clipboard for this doomed species, as well?
ReplyDeleteAnd...WHY isn't this blog post about ME?? You should be waxing poetic about all things Lolo. Perhaps crying a bit, from missing me so much, with the random giggle thrown in...so people think you're crazy. Like that. I expect better planning next year. *serious face*
OH! And!! Do you want me to ride your ass about the plants? We could make it a contest! See how many are still alive by the time I get there! See?? FUN!!
I love that idea. And I totally dropped the birthday ball on the post, didn't I? :(
DeleteLOL poor plants!!
ReplyDeleteSo, you're like Darla in Finding Nemo? *giggle snicker*
ReplyDeleteLol I planted watermellon. I doubt ill even see a sprout let!
ReplyDelete